This morning I woke up deeply depressed. I no longer have a relationship, a best friend, nor a job. I'm already in debt and I'm about to go deeper into debt to try and pay for school.
Lately, I keep having a recurring dream where I wake up and a small dwarf is sitting on my chest. His weight is not impossible to bear, just a constant pressure. We talk of what it is like to suffer from debilitating smallness and Billy Barty. When I wake, the dwarf is gone, but the pressure remains.
This morning I had to choose between staying in bed depressed, or getting up and facing the day. The first always seems easier, but the latter is what I have to do.
I walked to Harvard Square.
It's Memorial Day and a parade was passing. Going right up the middle of JFK Street. Boys in ill-fitting suits playing the oomp-pa-pa of the tuba and girls with acne playing the clarinet. It reminded me of my childhood, driving to parades all over Utah Valley to watch my brother Dan play the trombone in our high school's marching band. Even now the sound of a parade and the band sort of excites me, the hopes of standing on the curb and having candy thrown to me, or having the boy on the scooter wink at me. This morning was no different.
And now I am trying to remember what it is to be happy.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Irritating email and reasons why school is good...
Today I got my first piece of "gee you're stupid" email. It went something like this:
"you don't need to go to school to be a documentary film maker.
seems to me like a big waste of 57K."
Having just finished a 9 minute, grant funded film (printed in 35mm mind you) I am very aware that I do not need to go to school to be a film maker. But additional education does afford me the following:
1. Time to focus all of my energy on making a feature. Right now my job takes up most of my time. And I need a job to pay the rent. And making films this way ends up taking years. And I'm 31 and want to start focusing on making films now.
2. Columbia has enormous amounts of connections. I will have the opportunity to work all over the world with people I deeply respect, just because I've been accepted to this program. And my films are more likely to be picked up at festivals because of these connections.
3. An MFA. What the above person fails to realize is that I have been teaching college courses in Boston. I really enjoy teaching and I could be working full time as a professor right now if I had a master's degree. So, getting an MFA will really help my opportunities for teaching.
I am not asking anyone to donate $57,000. I am merely asking 40,000 people to donate a dollar. If you don't want to donate because you're cheap or morally opposed to the idea, that's fine. But I am trying to find a way that I can actually pay for grad school and this is my idea. And it's hard. It's hard to ask people for money. It's embarrassing to send out emails and make phone calls. But I want to go to school, and hopefully this plot will raise just enough to cover tuition money.
"you don't need to go to school to be a documentary film maker.
seems to me like a big waste of 57K."
Having just finished a 9 minute, grant funded film (printed in 35mm mind you) I am very aware that I do not need to go to school to be a film maker. But additional education does afford me the following:
1. Time to focus all of my energy on making a feature. Right now my job takes up most of my time. And I need a job to pay the rent. And making films this way ends up taking years. And I'm 31 and want to start focusing on making films now.
2. Columbia has enormous amounts of connections. I will have the opportunity to work all over the world with people I deeply respect, just because I've been accepted to this program. And my films are more likely to be picked up at festivals because of these connections.
3. An MFA. What the above person fails to realize is that I have been teaching college courses in Boston. I really enjoy teaching and I could be working full time as a professor right now if I had a master's degree. So, getting an MFA will really help my opportunities for teaching.
I am not asking anyone to donate $57,000. I am merely asking 40,000 people to donate a dollar. If you don't want to donate because you're cheap or morally opposed to the idea, that's fine. But I am trying to find a way that I can actually pay for grad school and this is my idea. And it's hard. It's hard to ask people for money. It's embarrassing to send out emails and make phone calls. But I want to go to school, and hopefully this plot will raise just enough to cover tuition money.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Parties, dragqueens and buying more art!
My friend Kris, who makes lovely, lovely art, is having an art sale and is donating part of the proceeds to my grad school education quest! Go to www.kbluem.com and buy her art! Really! It's fabulous!
Friday night I had a party. It was not just your average party, but a party that was the culmination of living in one place for nine years. My very best friend (and her husband and her baby) are moving home to Israel this week, and this was a send-off party. Somehow they've managed to acquire over 100 friends and acquaintances, 60 of whom showed up at my little apartment. Everyone arrived early and stayed late and many interesting conversations were had. And now I am in mourning for the loss of my best friend, for the end of my life in Boston and for so many other little things.
My friend Clayton was worried that I was too moody, so he took me out to a drag club. It was lip sync drag night, but the best performance of all was a live song done by four very large women in scanty underwear. They sang the song (in tune and in harmony), "Big Spender" from the musical Sweet Charity, with choreographed dance moves. The final door prize was given to whoever could guess their cumulative weight. Someone called out, "710 pounds?" to which one of the ladies called back, "C'mon people! We're REALLY fat!" Final answer? 870 pounds.
I have good friends.
Friday night I had a party. It was not just your average party, but a party that was the culmination of living in one place for nine years. My very best friend (and her husband and her baby) are moving home to Israel this week, and this was a send-off party. Somehow they've managed to acquire over 100 friends and acquaintances, 60 of whom showed up at my little apartment. Everyone arrived early and stayed late and many interesting conversations were had. And now I am in mourning for the loss of my best friend, for the end of my life in Boston and for so many other little things.
My friend Clayton was worried that I was too moody, so he took me out to a drag club. It was lip sync drag night, but the best performance of all was a live song done by four very large women in scanty underwear. They sang the song (in tune and in harmony), "Big Spender" from the musical Sweet Charity, with choreographed dance moves. The final door prize was given to whoever could guess their cumulative weight. Someone called out, "710 pounds?" to which one of the ladies called back, "C'mon people! We're REALLY fat!" Final answer? 870 pounds.
I have good friends.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Buy My Art
Falling out of love is painful. Particularly when you're still in love and your former partner is not. I think the only thing good about the end of a relationship (speaking from personal experience) is making art. Yes, when I am suffering from a broken heart, I find myself not sleeping and filling the endless hours making collages and taking photographs. Which may be why the majority of my collages were all made in late 2002 and my Self-Centered series in 1999. Now everything in my life is in flux and I find myself feeling sad and nostalgic...and on an art bender. I'm in love with Boston and I am leaving her.
Lately, a number of people have asked me about buying my art. If you haven't seen my art, check out my portfolio here. I generally sell my large format collages (32" by 36") for $1000, my smaller format collages (20" by 15") for $250, and my prints (both Girls on Film and Self-Centered) for $100 a print.
As my sister Suzanne says, "It's a bargain at twice the price!"
So, if you really want to support me, buy my art, dammit!
Lately, a number of people have asked me about buying my art. If you haven't seen my art, check out my portfolio here. I generally sell my large format collages (32" by 36") for $1000, my smaller format collages (20" by 15") for $250, and my prints (both Girls on Film and Self-Centered) for $100 a print.
As my sister Suzanne says, "It's a bargain at twice the price!"
So, if you really want to support me, buy my art, dammit!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
My first love letter!
Today I opened up my mailbox and what did I find? A love letter! Fernando wants me to make documentaries about Barcelona nightlife and caress his photo (which he included) with love and longing...
Hmmm...this seems sort of suspicious. In fact, Fernando's handwriting looks a lot like my sister Suzanne's. And when I type the phrase Latin lover into google images, the SAME photo included in my letter appears! This must mean one of two things. Either Suzanne has sent me a fake love letter, or worse, Fernando is making the moves on every girl on the internet!
Hmmm...this seems sort of suspicious. In fact, Fernando's handwriting looks a lot like my sister Suzanne's. And when I type the phrase Latin lover into google images, the SAME photo included in my letter appears! This must mean one of two things. Either Suzanne has sent me a fake love letter, or worse, Fernando is making the moves on every girl on the internet!
Monday, May 08, 2006
Why I love my family...
I am one of six kids. The fourth of six kids to be exact.
When my mother was a teenager, her parents told her she could go to college, but she was only allowed to graduate in nursing or teaching. So, she became a teacher. My mother slightly resented that her parents chose the direction her life would take and actively encouraged us to go to school for whatever we felt like.
All of us chose the arts.
Now, graduating in pottery or film or music is rarely going to make you loads of cash. In fact, I remember wearing my cap and gown in the back row of the auditorium where the film majors were required to sit at graduation and making fun of the Broadcast Journalism majors with their perfectly coiffed helmet hair. As the ten of us giggled, one of the coiffed heads turned around and sneered, "I already have a job reporting for KSL (the local news station), while you film losers are probably flipping burgers."
I hated her. Mostly because she was nearly right. I was waiting tables.
******
When I told my family about the givebuckabuck idea they jumped on the bandwagon. Tim and Curtis put it on their websites. Michele offered people her prints if they'd donate. Sooz helped me put together this entire idea and anything that is remotely interesting about this blog. Jennifer sent it to all her peeps on myspace and she even sent me her life savings...a whole dollar!
I love my family because they are funny, smart, creative people that I would want for friends, even if they weren't related to me.
When my mother was a teenager, her parents told her she could go to college, but she was only allowed to graduate in nursing or teaching. So, she became a teacher. My mother slightly resented that her parents chose the direction her life would take and actively encouraged us to go to school for whatever we felt like.
All of us chose the arts.
Now, graduating in pottery or film or music is rarely going to make you loads of cash. In fact, I remember wearing my cap and gown in the back row of the auditorium where the film majors were required to sit at graduation and making fun of the Broadcast Journalism majors with their perfectly coiffed helmet hair. As the ten of us giggled, one of the coiffed heads turned around and sneered, "I already have a job reporting for KSL (the local news station), while you film losers are probably flipping burgers."
I hated her. Mostly because she was nearly right. I was waiting tables.
******
When I told my family about the givebuckabuck idea they jumped on the bandwagon. Tim and Curtis put it on their websites. Michele offered people her prints if they'd donate. Sooz helped me put together this entire idea and anything that is remotely interesting about this blog. Jennifer sent it to all her peeps on myspace and she even sent me her life savings...a whole dollar!
I love my family because they are funny, smart, creative people that I would want for friends, even if they weren't related to me.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I love letters SO much!
Today I looked in my box and found these two letters! I think it's surprising that no one stole the Snowden dollar signs envelope. Nothing like advertising what's on the inside!
And people often ignore the back of their letters, but not my sister Jennifer. No, she likes to quote lyrics by Smashmouth on the back!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Send me envelopes that look like this!
Hooray, I've reached 2% of my goal! This is all thanks to my friend Kris Merola who donated $21 so I'd hit $800 exactly. She makes art I want to hang on my walls and publishes beautiful books. Check out preachersbiscuitbooks.com.
Now I just have $39,200 left to go!
On Friday I went to the mail box to see if, perhaps, someone had finally sent me that long awaited love letter! Alas, the answer was no. However, I did find something almost as good. An envelope that looked like this:
Thank you, M. Klein, for sending such a great envelope! The next day, someone sent me a dollar in Hello Kitty stationery. Hello Kitty is now stuck with a magnet to my refrigerator.
See how easy it is to make me happy?
Now I just have $39,200 left to go!
On Friday I went to the mail box to see if, perhaps, someone had finally sent me that long awaited love letter! Alas, the answer was no. However, I did find something almost as good. An envelope that looked like this:
Thank you, M. Klein, for sending such a great envelope! The next day, someone sent me a dollar in Hello Kitty stationery. Hello Kitty is now stuck with a magnet to my refrigerator.
See how easy it is to make me happy?
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